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Entries in Dating (12)


Dating & Mating: What women want vs what we say and think we want

Any single black sophisticated woman can tell you the dating game is a beast. Why? We all know the same run down facts in relation to black men and women. I.E. high rates of incarceration, education disparity between gender, poverty, thug culture, "DL" brothas, male laziness and unwillingness to commit, blah blah blah. You get it. Poor us.  Based on media portrayal we're an angry mob of undesirable woman desperately searching for the love of black men like waif peasant children in Slum Dog Millionaire. So thirsty.

Now take all of that doomsday prophecy and trash it. Seriously, it won't help you. I can't answer for you, but neither my friends nor I am suffering from a lack of men trying to "holla."  The truth is we all have options. Open those pretty eyes! Men are half of the damn world. So clearly they are plentiful. Here's the real question:

There are plenty of options, but are those options reasonable for you? In my experience, gathered women are not overly excited about people "hollering" at them. We want dates, boyfriends, fiancés, husbands, future fathers, life partners. Preferably in that order.

I am well aware that it's 2012, and maybe that list sounds suspiciously traditional. But in my professional experience (Marriage and Family Therapy) as well as personal observations, I find that modern day singles are playing a backdoor game. You see, we've all learned that proclaiming you want something traditional may have negative consequences: less immediate dating options in your early 20's, being labeled lame, outdated, unevolved, close-minded, etc. And because we are gathered, we tend to have psychological pain at being called unevolved and close-minded. This is where people fool themselves. We learn: "If I say I'm cool with just being friends, having uncommitted sex, not pressuring for a relationship, letting it be what it is, not tripping on a title, etc (the idea is the same under many facades), then later, once he realizes how bomb I am, he will step up and give me what I REALLY want: a commitment (which is none of what I've been saying to him). Huh? Yeah, that's how many of us play ourselves.  Let's stop this madness. Most men I've seen don't like the 1-2 switch. Lying to yourself and your potential mate (unintentional or not) complicates things and either delays or halts your real end game. Seriously ask yourself: Are you as content with revolutionary dating practices and their outcomes as you claim?


Weekly Poll: Top Male Qualities

I already know you have a list of qualities that you look for, so tell us what's what. I'll be sure to give my analysis of the results later!

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